did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When did angry sex become our thing?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
