he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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