I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
