please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
