What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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