i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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