what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
