Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
