she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
