I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
