Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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