Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
