I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
whose ass print is on the piano?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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