3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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