she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
