Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
