I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
