I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
