didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
