apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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