So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize