you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize