i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
