Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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