what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
