A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
