Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
