How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
