mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize