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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
