We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
