So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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