this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
