hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
