it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
