I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
