I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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