Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
