I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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