never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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