found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
