my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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