just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
