you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
