she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
