We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
