Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
