i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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