Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Non-Jews are for practice
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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