She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
