Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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