and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
