i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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