He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
