Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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