I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
