I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
