then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
