Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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