DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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