Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
