It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
