my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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