this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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