you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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