Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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