Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
