Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
