I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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