Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
