there's paper in my vomit.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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