I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
