I hope mine doesn't look like that
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
