i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
