She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
