I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
