is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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