i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
