Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
