I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Watching her eat just hurts me
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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