i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
