There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Text me some of your sweat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
