i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
