I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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