I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
