he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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