my phone needs a breathalizer
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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