My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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