FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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