You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
