just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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