u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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