I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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