You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
