well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
