also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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