i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
