That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I will be naked everywhere
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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