If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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