I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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