Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
