I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
