If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize