so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
