You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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